7AM
“
Awful small for thirteen, aren’t you?
We’re all small.
And suddenly she saw when everyone saw when they looked.
The sullen anger at having been cheated of everything worth having before they were born, the hunger to get some of it back.
He held the point to her neck. It was a little sting, not even a bee. She was not afraid, not really. She understood. He just didn’t want to be small anymore. So she did what he asked. It wasn’t that she was afraid he would hurt her, it was knowing exactly how he felt. It was just a body, what difference did it make? It was what it was, just one more sad thing.
”
Janet Fitch, “Paint it Black”
6AM
Anonymous asked: im just someone passing by, i added you to the stream of nonsense l i sift through almost daily, sometime a few months ago, this doesnt matter but thank you for saying so many fucking things i needed to say to my nanny,who died just barely a year ago today. i havent gone a day without forgetting that none of this is happening. i was scrolling twitching through the sprawl and there it was, stopped me dead in my spinning fingertipped cyber monday crystal binge haze, and i might actually sleep.
i’m so happy i could help you in some way. sleep as much as you can. sleep in warmth, sleep with softness. “bad dreams, bad dreams, go away. good dreams, good dreams, here to stay.”
11AM
Anonymous asked: do you have any new years resolutions or goals? do you believe in that kind of shit?
In the past I had a bitter view of New Years Resolutions. I was disappointed that everyone around me would only promise themselves health and relaxation one day of the year. It was always annoying to hear them make fun of themselves and give up after a day or week or whatever. Mostly because I ended up with that same kind of cowardice.
And last year I would’ve said, “Oh my god, YOU do something that’s an entirely common spark of happiness among people who really don’t give a shit about my bratty attitude? I think everything “everyone” likes is pathetic and I’m going to sacrifice my own happiness in the long run forever fighting against everyone because it makes me look like that tragically and beautifully sexy body on tv and I’ll get more lays than you and people will be proud of me for once.”
But I’ve thought about it from a less haughty sort of view, and I see people do it because they lack the self-discipline to initiate it alone. If that’s what they needed, they made their decision and will learn someday.
I believe now that everyone needs to have goals and continue to make new ones throughout the year and not be so superstitious about properly certifying it by a date. Failure and change don’t have to disappoint you if you learn.
I used to think it was stupid, I was better than having goals, only mavericks and free spirits were deserving and sexually justified and experiencing honest happiness out there somewhere. But the romance of that isn’t real. I was rebelling against the demand to share something personal when I wasn’t comfortable or ready. And I missed out on some serious personal growth by being some pretentious cool kid all the damn time. I never had goals that “authority” didn’t command me to complete. It took away serious fucking development in my self-worth because I never felt proud of myself for me.
I’ll show you what I wrote in my journal about it. I’ll post it next.
10AM
Anonymous asked: Where are you right now?
